The Art of Being Human: Learning How to Fall All Over Again

When I was 18, I fell in love with a 22 year-old girl who, when I couldn’t give her exactly what she wanted, dumped me for an older guy. It broke my teenage heart to pieces. At the time, it really felt like my life was over. But in time I eventually got through it — not completely, however.. I made a promise to myself that I’d never let it happen again. And I didn’t, by adhering to one simple rule: never love or care for someone more than they love or care for you. Because that is what gives them the power to hurt you.

You Learn A Lot From Heartbreak, And Sometimes The Heartbreak Is Well Worth The Experience.

Obviously, the heartbreak healed and I moved on. And, of course, I fell in love again. The deep haze of hormones and dopamine conveniently masked any concerns I had about someone hurting me again. When the terrible heartbreak inevitably came, I thought once again, This isn’t worth it. That is, until the next time.

I spent a ton of time going back and forth like this. I spent too much time wondering about liking someone more than they liked me, losing the upper hand,  risking too much and not protecting myself. Saying over and over, “There is no way in hell I’m ever going through this again.” It took a long time (honestly just up until about this time last year) to decide to hit the pause button, spend some time with myself, and figure out exactly what really mattered to me.

There are many emotions that take over when you’re falling for someone but out of all the emotions the one that usually stands out is fear. Fear is totally normal. Fear is worth paying attention to — not in the sense that you should listen to what fear tells you and follow it without question, but in the sense that fear is giving you information. The problem is that fear, like many emotions, isn’t always giving you rational, logical, or even true information. It’s kinda like when you get angry and you feel justified in your anger. Then later when you calm down you think, Okay, I probably could’ve handled that a little more gracefully. The same goes for infatuation. Many of us have ignored all kinds of red flags when riding the intense wave of infatuation. It’s almost impossible to choose your emotions. But you can learn to choose how you act on those emotions. You can take a step back, breathe deeply, and try to make sense of what’s going on with you beneath the surface of emotions.

Telling Yourself That Love Isn’t Worth It Doesn’t Mean You Won’t Fall In Love Again.

There’s not a person in the world who can control whether they get hurt or not. All you can do is try to make the best choices that take your well-being into account while also considering the well-being and humanity of the other person. The unfortunate side of life is that being a human means sometimes someone is going to get hurt. I know some of you are reading this and I can already hear you saying “Yes, but why should I be the one who gets hurt?” Because sometimes that’s just the way life is, and leaving a trail of destructed hearts in your wake won’t protect you against that.

Give yourself the time and space to get over the heartbreak before you make any rash decisions. Embrace your feelings and allow yourself to be vulnerable and afraid. It’s okay to let pain guide you toward a better understanding of how to protect yourself in a healthy way, but try not to let yourself be ruled by fear. Deciding love isn’t worth it doesn’t mean you aren’t going to fall in love again. You might! Anything is possible! Be careful with your heart as well as with the hearts of others. Think deeply about what love gives you, what it teaches you and opens you up to, what choices you make around love. Recognize that part of being human means feeling incredibly shitty sometimes, but occasionally that shitty feeling takes a leave of absence every now and again. What do you want to be open to feeling when it does?

The Brighter Side Of It All? Meeting That Person You Are Willing To Fall For All Over Again.

I’m now 27 (I turn 28 in August), and I’ve been solely focused on myself for the past year. I desired to grow as a man and become a better person overall. I was re-learning how to understand my heart while attempting to obtain true happiness. Giving more of my time to my family and true friends while trying to grasp the idea of “what do I really want from a partner.” It helped me, it changed me, and it brought me to a point where I was willing to let someone back into my life. I just recently met an amazing girl, and it still feels very new to me because of how long it’s been. I almost forgot what that tingle in your stomach felt like, but when it came, it was all too familiar. She was born in the same city I was and we have many similarities, however we’re also two very different people and I feel that’s the best part. I’m giving her the time, asking all the questions that matter to me, coasting and not forcing anything and she returns all the feelings I share with her. Where it leads to I have no idea but I’m not scared to fall anymore and that’s the best part.

 

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